FF7 is a Science Fiction Film (spoilers)

"Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig" (AndySheehan-StreetsideStig) 04/06/2015 at 14:05 • Filed to: None

4

5

I thought at first there was a continuity error between FF7 and Tokyo Drift. Strange, I know, since the franchise to this point has been a monolith of realistic accuracy and genuine believability. I only noticed because I just watched Tokyo Drift for the first time on Friday night, and after yesterday, I'm convinced that FF7 is actually about time travel.

Spoilers ahead.

FF7: The box blows up Dom's house. BOOM. This is roughly the same moment when Shaw kills Han in Tokyo. Dom goes to the hospital to talk to Hobbs, while Brian and Mia take the kid to the druglord house in the Caribbean. Dom then immediately calls Mia and tells her he's headed to Tokyo that day , and that Brian should meet him in LA in two days .

When he arrives in Tokyo, Sean is already "the new drift king." That means Sean talked to Uncle Yakuza; Sean, Lil' Bow Wow, and a crew of random Japanese people with no lines did the 2JZ swap into Sean's dad's Mustang; Sean learned to drift the Mustang; they completely restored the Mustang; Sean raced DK; Sean bought a new car; and Sean returned to the magical parking garage full of tuner drift cars and barely-clad women: all in one day .

There's only one explanation: NOS wrinkles space and time.

It explains so much about the series. That super long runway from FF6? It could have only been a few miles long, max, but the plane was on it for about 20 minutes. But think back to earlier in the film: When Tej showed Roman the grapple hook gun, it's NOS-powered (seriously). The crew used the same grapple guns to tether the plane to the ground...but also to tether it to a fixed point in time and space??? That's why it was moving the same speed but got no nearer to the end of the runway.

The 2-minute, quarter mile drag race in FF1? NOS .

The impossible ramp-over-you drawbridge maneuver from 2F2F? NOS.

The...um...I don't remember really anything about FF4.

The fact that Lucas Black looks 37 in FF7, when he's supposed to be 17? NOS abuse .

Vin Diesel was onto something with his Oscar predictions, people. Like Inception and Looper, FF7 won't win an Oscar, but it will be remembered as one of the greatest science fiction films ever to grace the silver screen.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig 04/06/2015 at 14:40

1

Tagging the photo because that's the only way I can respond (stupid Kinja)

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that Luca Black looked OLD in this movie. They couldn't have spent a few bucks on makeup to at least make him look kind of young? And I never even considered how quickly Sean had to do everything in Tokyo Drift for it to make sense in FF7. At least we're in current time now. I think.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig 04/06/2015 at 14:46

0

I don't hate this....yet, I don't really like it either...I dub the the "Meh~mobile!"

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig 04/06/2015 at 14:48

1

This should clear up how the timeline worked for you a little.

Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 04/06/2015 at 15:11

0

I don't like the wheels. I like the rest of it pretty well. It's a star car from Tokyo Drift, and it sounded amazing in that.

FKA-RacecaR > Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig 04/06/2015 at 16:54

1